Only a Memory
by blackboymagic
Summary: ((Sequel to He's Hurting Me)) After four months of healing both physically and mentally, Matthew Williams is ready to move on from the memory of Ivan. All he wants is a summer of fun in the sun with his friends... And maybe a little summer romance with a certain Albino cutie. Prucan w/ side pairs. Rated T for language and reference to violence.
1. Chapter 1- Alpha Gay

_I KNOW. I KNOW. THIS IS MEGA EARLY. I got bored and didn't feel like working on Avenger's House Rules. So... SEQUEL IS TO HE'S HURTING ME IS EARLY~! I doubt anyone is complaining, though._

_Inner Kiwi: I'M complaining._

_Me: When are you not complaining? OH! And see if you can spot all the references I make!_

_Warning- This is, in fact, a sequel. That means that there is another full-length fanfiction before this. Full warning, it DOES contain domestic abuse, so if that's a trigger for you or if it just isn't your cup of tea, I understand completely. Just hit the back button and go about your day!_

_DISCLAIMER: I've been taking tips from Plankton, but alas, the secret Hetalia formula isn't mine yet._

_(PS- I changed the twin's birthday to July 2, 11:59:30, because it's as close as I can get to right in-between Canada day and Independence day.)_

_Beta'd by BlacktwinWhitetwin._

Matthew stood at the bus station, playing fretfully with his duffel bag strap. The pleasant Early-July sunshine warming his skin, glinting off his citrine hair, which was tied up off his neck with an elastic. His stomach was burning with excitement; he couldn't wait to see his friends again.

After he'd been released from the hospital, his parents had been understandably overprotective. Ivan had been sentenced to six months jail time (which meant he'd be out in August), and the entire school knew about it, and why. They wanted Matthew out of the city until things calmed down and everyone forgot. So, they'd made him and Alfred move back home, two hours away from Fredericton, for the rest of the school year. Originally, his mother wanted to keep him home permanently, but he'd managed to convince her that it would be old news by September. Alfred would be moving in with his two friends Clint and his girlfriend, Natasha and Kiku. Matthew was going to stay with the Beilschmidt brothers (plus Feli, who apparently spent breaks at their house) for the summer and, if it worked out, he'd move in. So, here he was, fresh off the 12 O'clock bus from Moncton two days after his 17th birthday, waiting for that distinctive yellow Chevy.

Matthew was surprised to say that he'd enjoyed his time in Moncton. It had been boring and lonely, with only his twin (who had stuck to him like a burr) for company, but at the same time, he felt closer to his brother than ever before. In the beginning, Alfred had been a bit angry, both at himself for being ignorant to the situation, and at Matthew for keeping him in the dark, but after a few tear-filled conversations, they had moved past that. The two brothers had finally reconnected now that Matthew hasn't being weighed down with his terrible secret. He'd even gotten to see his older brother Michael who had had a few weeks off from his job as an RCMP officer. Everyone told him that he looked eerily similar to his older brother, looking more like Mike's twin than Alfred's, despite the ten-year age gap.  
There were other aspects of his temporary exile that he had enjoyed as well. Like how for the first time in forever, he had been free from Ivan's reign of terror. It was like being held under water for years and then finally being able to breathe again.

It had been weird at first, feeling so free. For the first little while, he'd been constantly on edge, expecting to see a pipe-wielding Ivan come back to finish the job. He was better now, though. He wasn't broken, just bent, and with the help of his family and the counselor he had been seeing twice a week for the past four months, he was slowly but surely straightening himself out again.

Sure, He still flinched when people yelled, and violence made him nervous, but he'd opened up more. He had come a long way from a skittish, anxious shadow person back to his old shy and sweet yet witty self. Ivan was only a bad memory, one that he wouldn't let plague him. He wasn't worth it, and frankly, he wasn't important enough. He was an abusive bully, and Matthew wouldn't give someone like him the satisfaction of breaking him. He was done with him. Besides, it's not like he'd see him in September; Ivan had been expelled from their high school.

However much he had enjoyed the break, Matthew desperately missed his friends. Sure, he'd Skyped with the whole gang at least once a week, and Lili had even come to visit him a few times, but it wasn't the same. Even though he hadn't known them for long, Matthew had formed a pretty close bond with everyone (even the surly ones like Lovino, Natalya, Arthur and Lukas) and it sucked to be alone. Alfred had tried to fill their place, but it didn't really help that he missed his friends and sort-of-boyfriend Kiku, too.

Speaking of sort-of-boyfriends, Matthew had finally come to terms with the fact that he was hopelessly in love with his albino bestie. Not that he'd been denying it before, just... Ignoring it. Obviously, at the time, it hadn't been the right time, what with Ivan and moving away for four months. So, he'd decided that he would test the waters during the summer, and if Gilbert by some miracle returned his feeling well, then, what was to hold him back?  
Some would say that it was still too soon, but damn it, Matthew would not let that Russian bastard hold him back anymore. He didn't want him to continue dictating his life from behind bars. He said he was done with him and he meant it. He. Was. DONE.

Besides, this was Gil. With anyone else, he probably would have let it wither off and die, but Gil was different. The Prussian was his first and best friend, with Lili and Lovino as close seconds. He was the first person to ever look at Matthew and see Matthew, not Alfred's twin brother or the scary kid Ivan's boyfriend, and that meant everything to him. Plus, he trusted him. Gilbert had been there for him from the moment they met. Any other person who would have bumped into him on that rainy day months ago would have flipped him off and continued on, leaving him alone in the rain. Gil would never know how much he had helped him. To be honest, if it weren't for him, he probably wouldn't be here.

Matthew didn't like to admit, even to himself, how close he had come to taking his own life. When he had finally told his family, his father had broken down into tears. He'd explained that he didn't feel that way anymore, and he was ashamed of how low he had been. Unlike what he had feared, no one called him weak or was disappointed in him. Instead, they were all very understanding and comforting. They let him know that they were proud of him for making it through, and that he should never be ashamed of himself, not for anything. No one treated him like he was breakable, though, for which he was grateful.

The sound of a purring motor in front of him broke him from his thoughts. "Get in, Loser, we're going shopping."

Matthew's eyes shot up.

Before him was Gilbert behind the wheel of a silver 2002 Lexus SC 430 Z4. His face was covered in an enormous grin and a big pair of aviators. His hair was cut shorter than before and styled into messy spikes. However, Matthew's attention was drawn back to the car.  
"Is that...?"

"The exact car that Regina George drives in Mean Girls?" Gil cut in, his grin stretching even wider. "Why yes, yes it is."

Matthew rolled his eyes. How is it that the entire school is convinced that this guy is cool? "Oh my God, Gil, you're like, Alpha-Level gay. It's not even funny."

"Ahhh, and yet you recognized the car, so that AT LEAST makes you my second in command in the Gay wolf pack. You're like the Scott to my Derek," Gil pointed out, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Pssht, what is this, Gay Teen Wolf?" Matthew shot back, throwing his bag in the back seat and opening the passenger side door, sliding into the seat.

"Isn't Gay Teen Wolf the same as Regular Teen Wolf?" Gil put the convertible into drive, pulling away from the curb.

"Touché."

And just like that, Matthew felt like he was home.

_SOOOOOOOO, What do you guys think? To be honest I actually really like it! I feel like a did a half-way decent job on this chapter._

_Inner Kiwi: Pfft, are you drunk?_

_Me: shut UP before I put you in the suitcase again! Also, In case there is any confusion, Mike is 2P!Canada. Yeah... That wasn't planned...At all. I re-named him because naming your youngest child an English variant of your oldest child's name is cruel and unusual punishment._

_Love it? Hate it? Wish I had stopped 18 chapters of this series ago? Please review and tell me what you think!_


	2. Chapter 2- Surprise, Surprise

_HELLO MY LOVELY BUTTERCUPS! I know it's been a hot sec since I last posted, but... Actually, never mind, I don't even really have an excuse. I just got distracted by girls and fanfiction... And school, I guess. _

_ Inner Kiwi: Glad to see that you have your priorities straight. _

_ Me: That's _all _I have that's straight._

_ Inner Kiwi: You're awful. _

_ I know! Also, sorry if Mattie seems a little OOC, but I have a headcanon that Matthew is secretly a sassy little bastard with the people he's comfortable with. Plus, with Ivan gone, I feel he'd be a bit less timid. Anyvay, on with the show!_

As Gilbert pulled out of the bus station parking lot, Matthew finally asked the question tha had been plaguing his mind since he saw the other boy pull up. "So, what's up with the new car?"

Gilbert glanced over at him, a semi-frightening grin stretching across his face. "My mom and step-dad bought me this car for a grading present," He answered, causing Matthew's eyes to nearly bug out. The most he had ever gotten for grading was an MP3 player when he was 8. "Gotta love parents who trying to buy your affection, huh?"

"Maple, they must be pretty well-off to afford buying you guys a house _and _a car. Is your step-dad a mafia don or something?" Matthew asked, only semi-joking.

"Nah, but if you believe the rumors, Feli and Lovi's dad is. My step-dad is just some big shot anesthesiologist who happens to not want me and Luddy around so he can ravish my mutti on every available surface," Gilbert's face screwed up in disgust as he said the last sentence, and Matthew felt equally grossed out.

"Okay then. So what happened to your old car?" The Canadian asked.

"Ludwig has it. He's driving it all Summer," Gil responded, stopping at a red light. Matthew's eyebrows shot up.

"Wow, I didn't think Ludwig would enjoy driving something so... flashy."

Gilbert's grin reappeared with a vengeance. "He wouldn't, under normal circumstances, but I made a deal with him; He drives the Awesome Mobile everywhere for the Summer, and I give him this car."

Matthew still felt a little confused. "Why would he want this car? I don't really see him as an avid Mean Girls fan."

"He isn't," Gil agreed as they pulled onto his street. "But Feli is. He absolutely adores the movie, and Luddy absolutely adores making the little Italienisch happy."

"Awww, that's so sweet," Matthew cooed, smiling softly.

"Yeah, it is. I would have just given him the car, but unfortunately, my big brother instincts wouldn't let me pass up the chance to mess with my little bro," Gilbert said as he backed into his driveway. Matthew rolled his eyes.

"You're such a hoser," He teased, punching the albino's arm lightly. Gilbert mock-winced, putting the car into park and unbuckling his seatbelt.

"You wound me, Birdie, you really do."

The pair got out of the car, grabbing Matthew's bags from the back seat of Gil's car. Matthew bumped his hips into Gil's as they made their way to the front door. Gil shot him a faux-offended glare. The Prussian dug into his pocket, retrieving his keys and shoving the correct one into the lock. Matthew followed him in, slipping off his shoes as they his friend led the way into the dark living room. Matthew's eyebrows drew together in confusion.

"Why are we-"

"SURPRISE!" The lights were flicked on, revealing the whole gang, all with giant grins on their faces. After processing that, he took in the room. The coffee table was laden down with a plethora of food, from a mixing bowl full of french fries to a giant pound cake covered in chocolate icing with the words '_Welcome Back, Mattie_' written in looping cursive in top top. Balloons were suspended from the ceiling and stuck to the walls and gathered at his friends' feet. His face grew into a big grin.

"Guys, this is so sweet of you, thanks," Matthew said softly. Feli bounded forward and threw his arms around Matthew's neck, pulling him into a bone crushing hug.

"We missed you so much, Matteo! It's stupendo to see you again!" The little Italian cried. Matthew's cheeks heated up and he shyly returned the hug.

"I missed you too, Feli. Moncton wasn't nearly as interesting as here,"It was the truth. No matter how much he called, Skyped, messaged and, in the case of Lovino, Feli and Lili, visited his friends, it wasn't the same as being back for good.

Feli released him, and Lili stepped up to his side, looping her arm through his and giving him a hesitant smile. Matthew smiled back warmly. He could tell that she still blamed herself a little for what had happened with Ivan, despite the fact that everyone had forgiven her for with-holding the truth. No matter how many times Matthew reassured her over the phone and in person that he didn't blame her, he suspected that she'd be blaming herself for some time to come.

"So, what's been up since I've been gone?" Matthew asked. Although he'd kept in contact with his friends, he wanted a more in depth picture of what had been going on. Lovino shook his head, plopping down on a couch and glaring at the Canadian.

"Like Hell, Maple Bastard. We aren't saying shit until you give us a play-by-play of what you've been up to," Matthew rolled his eyes, but didn't take the harshness to heart. Surprisingly, he and the Italian had really connected after their cuddling session all those months ago. Matthew found his coarse language and sour disposition charming and funny. Other than Gilbert, he and Lili were probably his closest friends.

Matthew let Lili lead him over to the couch, sandwiched in between her and Lovino, with Arthur and Feli leaning against the arm rests on the floor. eveyone else piled into chairs and seats to listen. As Matthew told his stories, everyone munched away on cake and snacks. Eventually, they had moved on to what everyone else had doing, from Feliks and Toris' hilarious shopping trip to Vash winning gold at the National Range Competion. Their afternoon passed peacefully and contentedly, and Matthew knew that here, in the warm glow of good friends and good conversation, is where he belongs.

_GAHHHH! I'M SORRY THAT THIS IS HELLA LATE! I meant to start it weeks ago, but I got caught up in break up issues and school work and procrastination. Worry not, though, my little peppermints! The next chapter WILL be up before on on the 30th, for the one-year anniversary of this fanfiction. God, I've come so far! _

_ Inner Kiwi: Not really. You're still the mega shitty writer who is so insecure she made up an inner voice to critisize her._

_ BACK IN YOUR HOLE! Anyway, thank you guys! This is Kiwi, signing out!_

_ (PS- REVIEW, SI VOUS PLAIT.)_


	3. Chapter 3- Misleading First Impressions

Okay, so, this is being written on the DAY of the one year birthday of my least-favourite-yet-most-popular brain baby. I just want to thank everyone of you who have been with me from the very beginning, and those of you who have joined me along the way. Believe me, you guys are the ONLY reason I've made it this far. I love you all! So, to give my undying thanks to you guys, I decided to take the advice of one of my readers and write a bit about the origins of Matt and Ivan's relationship. these flashbacks will be written as dream sequences and interspersed through out the fic. FOREWARNING, these chapters WILL be RusCan, both abusive and non-abusive. I'm not a big fan, but a girl must do what she must for a fan. I was thinking of writing a seperate fanfiction as a prequel, but to be honest, I don't have a long enough attention span. Thank you to this reviewer, because you basically gave me a plot line for this fic. I've been panicking for the past two weeks because I have NO CLUE what to do with this fic. Also, this is un-betaed because I procrastinated really hard and I think my beta might be mad at me so... Sorry! Anyway, enjoy, my lovelies!

_"C'moooooooon, Mattie, pleeeeeeaaaase?" I promise you'll have fun!" Matthew rolled his eyes, not looking up from his copy of the latest House of Night book (which at this point, he was just hate-reading. Like, honestly Mama Cast and Baby Cast, you can stop at any point, now.). _

_ His brother had been whining at him for hours about going to some stupid party he had been invited to. Apparently, their parents had told him he could only go if Matthew accompanied him as well, spouting some garbage about wanting him to get out and meet new people as well. The Williams family had moved to their new home almost three months ago, right after the end of grade eight, and Matthew still hadn't made any new friends. His parents' had expressed their concern about this loudly and often. Matthew had argued that he was perfectly fine with hanging around with Alfred and occasionally holding conversations with his cousin Francis, but his mother and father simply wouldn't see reason. _

_ "Sweet Sir John A McDonald on a stick, Al, I already told you that I'm NOT going to this stupid party," Matthew repeated for what felt like the one hundredth time. Alfred seemed to change tactics, laying down beside his twin and resting his chin on his stomach, staring up at him beseechingly. Matthew reluctantly put his book away. _

_ "Mattie, please, if you love me at all, you'll come with me. It won't be any fun without you. And besides... I really want these people to like us this time, Matt. I can't handle another four years like the last three," He pleaded, his eyes wide and swimming with unshed tears as he bit at his lip. Matthew winced; he couldn't resist, not with the killer combination of The Alfie Eyes (patent pending) and the mention of middle school. _

_ Both Matthew and Alfred had had a hard time in middle school, Matthew because of his shyness , dependence on his twin, and tiny size, Alfred because of what everyone thought was stupidity but was really just a combination of dyslexia and ADHD, and both of them for their homosexuality. Matthew wasn't really sure how the kids at their last school had figured that one out seeing as how neither of them were particularly flamboyant, but that was beside the point. The point was that Matthew didn't want a repeat of middle school, either for himself or for his twin. _

_ "Fine, Alfie, I'll go to the stupid party with you. Happy?" Al's face immediately morphed into the picture of elation, all sadness melting away. His blue-eyed twin raced out of his room, calling for him to wear something that wouldn't embarrass the family over his shoulder, and Matthew had the distinct impression that he had just been manipulated. _

_ PAGE BREAK _

_ Matthew fidgeted in the corner he had been sitting in for the past hour and a half, wishing to be anywhere but the overly-loud alcohol scented living room of some high schooler who's parents didn't give two shits about the legal drinking age. As soon as they had shown up, Alfred had run off to meet up with his new friends, leaving his brother behind at the door. Matthew had hund around the front hall awkwardly for a little while, waiting to see if he'd come back, but after fifteen minutes he had given up and gone to the living room and claimed his current perch. _

_ Matthew couldn't help but feel a little bit offended at his brother's behaviour. He'd said he wanted things to be different this year, and then he'd abandoned poor socially awkward Matthew in a house full of strangers in various states of sobriety. Obviously, he'd the bastard had said 'us' he must have meant 'me'. If Matthew wasn't such a loyal person her would have called his parents and told them of his twin's betrayal. He could see the cause of his predicament across the room flirting with some brown-haired boy with Caribbean green eyes and flushed, embarrassed cheeks. Judging by the murderous look from the short boy with steely grey eyes and a black undercut a few feet away, he was taken, or at least was going to be before the end of the night. Matthew spared a brief thought for all the possesive sex the pair would probably have if they were the main characters of a clich__é smut fanfiction written by a virginal teen girl. _

_ Matthew's slightly NSFW musings were cut short by a very tall boy leaning against the wall beside him. Matthew tilted his head up to look at him, noticing this he seemed to be very muscular, and had silvery hair, bright purple eyes that were so much more intriguing and beautiful than Matthew's own dull violet, a large Slavic nose and a soft-looking peach Winter scarf that looked a bit odd with his tight, mucle hugging dark grey graphic tee,well-fitting dark blue jeans, and brown steel-toed work boots. Matthew couldn't help the burning blush that colored his skin as he registered just how beautiful this boy was. Matthew had always had a thing for silver-white hair and oddly colored eyes, ever since his Harry Potter days. _

_ "__Здравствуйте__, I do not mean to interupt you, I just thought you looked lonely and might want to talk to someone," The tall boy spoke up, his voice heavy with a Russian accent. Matthew had to surpress a shiver at how delicious it sounded. _

_ "I-It's fine, you aren't disrupting anything but a pity party," Matthew's voice was slightly bitter as he through a glare in the direction of his brother. The Russian must have picked up an his anger because he cast a curious look in that general direction. _

_ "Who are you looking so murderous, pretty one? Did someone do something to hurt you?" The Canadian's cheeks flamed at the term of endearment, and he quickly covered it with a hand over his face, using his other to wave away the boy's concern._

_ "It's nothing, just my asshole twin brother," He explained. Theother's eyes zeroed in on Alfred. _

_ "Ah, he's your brother? He's kind of obnoxious, huh?" Matthew frowned a little. It always made him a bit uncomfortable and protective when people outside of his immediate family bad-talked his brother. He supposed it was a side effect from listening to people put the rambunctious boy down on a daily basis. _

_ "He isn't obnoxious, he's just really enthusiastic about everything," Matthew defended. The tall boy put his hands up in a apologetic manner. _

_ "I'm sorry, I do not wish to offend you or your family," He apologised, and Matthew just smiled a little in forgiveness. _

_ "It's fine, I'm just a bit defensive of my twin. He's usually pretty great when he isn't dragging me to stupid parties."_

_ "I'm sorry you find my party so tedious, pretty one," Now it was Matthew's turn to look sorry. Matthew opened his mouth to stammer apologies, but the tall boy who just waved it off, extending a hand to him. "Don't worry, I'm just messing with you. I think my party is getting boring to. Do you want to go hang out in my backyard?"_

_ Matthew nodded, letting the boy lead him toward the back door, passing a douchey looking boy with white hair and red eyes flirting with a smitten looking girl. Matthew rolled his eyes. How could anyone be attracted to such an obvious cocky asshat? Honestly, Matthew would never give someone like that the time of day. _

_ Finally, the pair reached the backyard, which was surprisingly absent of people. Matthew's companion led him to the middle of the yard, and laid down on the grass, Matthew following him. Despite of how absolutely overdone the whole "Laying in the grass and watching the stars" thing was, Matthew couldn't help the frantic butterflies in his stomach at the romanticness of it all._

_ "What's your name?" The boy asked, turning his head to look at Matthew. _

_ "Matthew. And yours?"_

_ "Ivan." _

_ And so, Ivan and Matthew spent the rest of the night in mostly companionable silence, sometimes sharing what was going through there minds to make conversation. Before they were ready, the night had grown old and Alfred was calling Matthew's name out the patio door, telling him it was time to go, and the pair reluctantly parted. _

_ That night, Matthew went to bed with new love dancing sweetly on his lips, pulling them into a sleepy smile. If he only knew that one day, he would think back on that time with nothing but the bitter taste of blood and regret in his mouth. _

SOOOOOO, What do you guys think? I wonder, do any of you ever notice the different characters from other fandoms that I've slipped into this fic as background characters throughout the series? So far I've done Harry Potter, Shameless (which you should watch if you haven't), Avengers and Attack on Titan, that I can remember. Also, just lettin' y'all know, Updates might gett even dicier than before, because I've got a bunch of presentations for the Gay/Straight Alliance next week, exams coming up the week after next, and then I'm going to French Camp for a month at the end of June. I'm so excited! I never wanted to go into French Immersion, so this is my chance to become more fluent in French, which would be awesome! I wouldn't have to rely on Google Translate for that language so much anymore! Plus, Hell, an entire month away from home with one of my good friends? SIGN ME UP!

Anyway, Like it? Love it? Never wanna see a prequel dream-chapter again? Lemme know!

(PS- Any of you notice the suspicious lack of Inner Kiwi in this chapter? I think she's planning something...)


	4. Chapter 4- Waking up to FIFA

_Hey guys! I'm SOOOOOOO sorry it's been so long, but I've been busy with camp and dying of heatand all that good stuff, and I started this a few weeks ago but then I didn't have time to keep writing, so sorry! _

_ Inner Kiwi: Excuses._

_ Me: Shit, you're back. Anyway,. enjoy this long overdue chapter, kids!_

Matthew blinked awake, the the memory of his dream slipping away like water through mesh until he could only recall a vague feeling of bitterness and niavety. Not sure if he really cared, he shrugged it off. After a moment of groping at the table to his left, he crammed his glasses onto his face and took in his surroundings.

sunlight shone in through the un-curtained window, bathing the light blue walls in pre-afternoon sun. The room was rather bare, the only furniture being the queen-size bed, two nightstands on either side of the bed, and a tall dresser beside the door. Although he didn't recognise it very well from when he had stumbled in, tired but happy, the night before around three, he knew that it was his bedroom in the Beilschmidt house. Matthew rolled out of the bed, noticing for the first time that the quilt was patterned with small maple leaves. He smiled and shook his head. _Gil, you're such a nut. _

Matthew grabbed a new pair of underwear, a black tank-top, a pair of jean shorts and his shower things and padded out of the room, slipping into the bathroom. He stripped out of his remaining garment and turned on the water taps for a shower before slipping in. The hot water slipped over his sleep-heavy body, slowly waking him up as he washed and conditioned his hair. Lazy thoughts about the day before ( Okay, mostly how it was humanly possible that Gilbert had gotten even hotter since the last time he had seen him) drifted in and out of his brain, slowly but surely waking him up. By the time he was rinsing the soap from his skin and conditioner from his hair, he felt entirely alert.

He stepped out into the steamy bathroom air, grimacing just a bit and the clammy feeling. He switched on the fan. Quickly, he dried off, not touching his hair. Matthew pulled on his change of clothes and jogged black to his room with his things. He sprayed some detangler in his hair before brushing she soaking locks into a smooth, wet curtain before running his fingers through it and shaking it out. He rolled on his deodorant and decided to brush his teeth after eating. Deeming himself as presentable as he was going to get on and day that was already hot as balls before noon, Matthew left his room and headed downstairs.

As he descended the stairs, he could hear the TV and the sounds of squabbling. He peeked around the wall halfway down the stairs to see Gil, Ludwig, Feli, Lovi, Toni, Francis and Arthur all sitting in the living room, going at it like cats and dogs. He wasn't sure, but it looked like Lovi was yelling at Toni, Ludwig was yelling at Gil, Francis and Arthur were yelling at eachother, and Feli was just smiling away and watching the morning talk show that was playing on the TV. Sensing that they weren't arguing over anything serious, Matthew shrugged and walked past them into the kitchen. He poured himself a big bowl of Nesquik and returned to find the boys in mostly the same state. Rolling his eyes, he plopped down on the floor beside Feli.

"What's on?" He asked, looking up at the TV where some 40-something with a trying-too-hard-to-look-classy/casual outfit and over-exaggerated facial expressions wastalking with some person Matthew had never heard of in his lie.

"I'm not quite sure..." Feli admitted with a little shrug and a dopey smile. "They all started to run together after a few hours.

Matthew raised his eyebrows and glanced at the clock, which read 10:23. "A few hours? How long have you guys been awake for?"

"Uhmmmm..." Feli's eyebrows scrunched up in concetration. "Since about 6:30 or 7, I think."

"Why? And why is everyone here?" Matthew asked incredulously. He couldn't imagine getting up at any point before 9 in the Summer.

"Well, Lovi showed up around then and made Luddy and me get up, and then decided that Gil shouldn't get to sleep in because he's a 'lazy potato bastard'. And Toni is here because he was over at my house with Lovi and wanted to come see everyone, Franicis is here because Toni told him that he was coming and didn't want to be left behind, and Arthur is here because 'he doesn't trust the bloody wanker not to put his froggy hands on some poor unsuspecting citizen,' whatever that means."

"Oh," Matthew blinked, trying to take in the information he'd been given. Shrugging, he turned "Do you know why they're all arguing?"

"Someone brought up the World Cup,"

"_Ohhhh," _This time, it was more understanding, and Matthew turned back to the TV, glad that his country didn't really get into soccer (Matthew glanced around guiltily, glad none of his friends could read his mind to grease him out for thinking _soccer _instead of _football. _Oh, the hardships of having all Euporean friends...

PAGE BREAK

After another forty five minutes of yelling and fighting, the boys settled down. They all just sat around after that, watching and making fun of the talk shows. Eventually, the front door opened, and LIz, Lilli, Bella, Feliks and Toris (although Toris looked more than a little reluctant to be there) walked into the living room.

"What do you losers want?" Gil asked jokingly front his spot dangling upside down on the couch.

Liz rolled his pretty green eyes at him. "Not you. We're heading over to the mall and came to see if anyone wants to come,"

Gil schrunched up his nose up in distaste. "Not, definetely not me."

"I'll come!" Feli said enthusiastically, jumping up off the couch and bounding over to the front door.

"I would, but I'm afraid poor Arthur is deathly afraid of fashion and I don't trust him not to start a fight if I leave him alone," Francis said regretfully, earning a punch to the arm and a muttered 'fuck you' from Arthur.

Lovino just snorted derisively. Antonio translated. "Me and Lovi would rather just stay here. Gracias for the offer, though!"

"I... would prefer to stay here, thanks," Ludwig declined awkwardly, avoiding Feli's pleading eyes.

Shrugging, the mall-goers started to leave, before Matthew nervously piped up. "Uhmm, wold it be alright if I came? I mean, if there's no room or if-"

Liz cut him off with a big hug and an apology. "No, no Mattie, I'm so sorry I forgot to ask you. It just didn't seem like something you'd want to do..."

"It's fine, I don't usually like shopping, but I'm just in the mood to in the mood to be out today," Shrugging, Liz accepted this and they all headed out, piling into Liz's giant cherry red mini-van. Just as they were about to pull out, The door slid open and Gil squeezed in beside Matthew.

Liz sent him a knowing smirk. "I thought you weren't-"

"Shut up and drive, Liz,"

And for once, she did as told.

_POSTING ON MY BIRTHDAY~~~ Hope you enjoyed, review SVP!_


	5. Chapter 5-Initiation of Doom

_Hey hey hey, my baby antelopes! What's up? I am soooooo sorry that this update is over two months late, but I was distracted_

_ Inner Kiwi: I'm sure everyone was happy to not have to read the garbage you call a fanfiction. _

_ You're so mean to me! Anyway, without any further delay, here's chapter 5~!_

Gilbert regretted his decision as soon as the van pulled out of the driveway.

Like, don't get him wrong or anything, it's not like he was a stranger to shopping. One doesn't end up lookin' so sexy-fresh without hitting quite a few malls, after all. It wasn't even that the didn't _like _shopping, because in all honesty he didn't mind it. It was just that he hated _shopping with the girls, _which was a whole different ballgame altogether.

When he went out shopping by himself, or even with a couple of the guys, it was quick. Grab what you want or need, pay, get out, done, wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am. But with the girls and/or Feliks, it was just hours upon hours of wandering around and trying on this and that and asking for different sizes and does this come in another color and agonizing over whether it makes them look fat or not and finally buying whatever it is and then it's off to _another store_, and generally, Gilbert tried to avoid the process. In fact, he wouldn't have thought twice about blowing off the girls' invitation in favor of dicking around with the guys, but, well... he couldn't just leave poor Mattie alone with the sharks, now could he? Especially not when he knew about the special "right of passage" all the boys had to go through on their first shopping trips with the girls + Feliks...

Either way, he now found himself, an hour later, bored out of his mind, trailing the girls with Mattie at his side as they walked through the mall.

PAGE BREAK

Matthew followed his companions into American Eagle, A sulking Gil right beside him, trailing him toward the men's section. Truth be told, Matthew had been pretty surprised when Gilbert had joined them on their shopping trip. Despite the fact that he was obviously pretty well-dressed (at least compared to the majority of teenage boys at their school who seemed to think khaki pants and flows were high fashion), Gil just didn't strike him as the kind of guy who went shopping for fun, which he suppose had been confirmed by the surprised yet smug expressions on most of his companions' faces. Matthew wasn't exactly complaining though, even if he HAD been hoping to talk to the girls and Feliks and Toris about his hella huge crush on Gilbert and maybe get some advice on how to figure out if his feeling were possibly reciprocated. Still, spending time with the other boy was worth the change in plans.

Turning from his thoughts, Matthew flipped through the racks, pausing occasionally to inspect some of the shirts that caught his eye. Suddenly, he heard a burst of giggles followed by excited whispering coming from where the girls, Feliks and Toris had gone. After a moment, Lili called him over. Beside him, he felt Gilbert tense.

"Shit," He groaned, rubbing a hand over his face. Matthew raied a questioning eyebrow at him but Gill just shook his head, his face apologetic, and lead him over to Liz and the others. With one final confused look at Gil, he shrugged and turned to the tall Hungarian girl.

"Yes?" Matthew asked. Liz smiled at him innocently, although the effect was kind of negated by the fact that she was obviously hiding something behind her back.

"So, we didn't tell you this, but there is a little initiation us shopping buddies put all the boys through the first time they come shopping with us, and, seeing as how this is your first time, it's your turn," she explained, and Matthew felt something akin to dread starting to build in his stomach.

"Uhm, w-what kind of 'intitiation' are we talking about here?" He stuttered.

"Don't worry about it, broski, it is like totally no big deal at all. It's not like we're going to like, hurt you or anything, you just have to try on this totes cute outfit we picked out for you," Felik jumped in, sensing his distress. Somehow, Matthew still wasn't convinced. Gilbert must have seen his unconvinced expression, because he just sighed and put a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

"Feliks is right, Birdie, it isn't _that _big of a deal. A little embarrassing, maybe, but I promise you won't get hurt," he told him, before adding "Besides, it's not like you have much choice. It's a mandatory first trip experience,"

After seeing the others nod in agreement, Matthew just held out his hands, recieving the mystery article of clothing from Liz, who smiled at him kindly. Quickly, he retreated into the dressing rooms. After he closedand locked his his stall, he took a deep breath, then slowly unfolded the garment. Somehow, he wasn't surprised to find that it was a dress. He quickly slipped out of his clothes, thanking Big-Lesbian-Jesus that he'd shaved his legs and under arms recently (hey, don't look at him like that- armpit hair is unsanitary, and everything feels better with smooth legs) as he gently pulled on the dress. He struggled for a moment with the zipper, bending and and twisting until the stupid thing was all the way up, before finally turning and looking in the mirror.

He was surprised to find he actually liked the way the dress looked on him. It was a layered white floral lace with sheer lace cap sleeves and a scoop neckline. He loved the way it hugged his upper body before falling away at his hips, and the way the skirt flared slightly. He loked pretty damn cute, if he did say so himself. However, that didn't take away any of the embarrassment he felt at the thought of _anyone _seeig him like this, especially Gil. Maybe they would just let him take it off without showing them...?

As if sensing his thoughts, Liz called out, "Don't you dare think of taking it off without us seeing it first, Matthew Stephen Williams!"

Sighing, Matthew swallowed his pride, steeled his nerves and unlocked the dressing room door, before cautiously peeking his head out.

"P-ppromise you won't laugh?" He asked timidly, nibbling his bottom lip. After receiving nods all around, he stepped out fully, tensing as he waited for them to break their promises and bust out laughing.

After a full two beats of silence, he heard someone suck in a breath through his teeth.

"Ho. Ly. Shit. Mattie, you look incredible!" Bella exclaimed. As if breaking the flood gates, everyone else started pouring out compliments as well.

"Like, OMG absolutely perf-"

"-Like an adorable little doll-"

"-If you were a girl I'd totally-"

"-Very, very cute-"

"-dunk you in my coffee-"

The only one who remained silent through out the whole thing was Gilbert, whose face was as red as a maple leaf, his jaw scraping the floor. Everyone (esides Matthew of course) could practically see the hearts in the poor lovesick fucker's eyes. Finally, everyone else grew silent and Matthew turned to Gil.

"W-what do you think, Gil?" He asked, a blush adorning his face.

"I think... I think... you should buy it,"Gil stammered out, his eyes superglued to the Canadians form.

And that is how ten minutes later, Matthew added a dress to his wardrobe.

_Okay, so that was SUPPOSE to be longer, but I am trying to stretch out my burst of inspiration so it won't be another nearly 3 month wait for the next chapter. Once agan, sorry for that guys! School is a son of a bitch. As is writer's block and procrastination. Also sorry if this chapter wasn't very interesting or funny or whatever. Lately I feel like I've lost that little spark of humor that was in most of the previous chapters. And I promise I'm not going t make the crossdressing into a "thing" (even though I love imagining Mattie wearing girl's clothes like dresses and skirts and cute shirts because I fucking HATE boys fashion.) because I know that's not what you guys signed up for. I just had the idea since last chapter and it provided a lot of content so I said "fuck it". I'm thinking of writing a crossdressing!Mattie fanfic in te future, but I havent decided. _

_ Inner Kiwi: Holy shit quit rambling on, no one want's to read your long-ass author's note, Outer Kiwi._

_ True... Anyway, see ya next time, guys! I love you all, thanks for not abandoning me even though I'm the worst person ever!_


	6. Chapter 6-Guilt Absolved

_ I am so sorry my little button holes! I know it's been a really long time since I've updated, and honestly, I have no real excuse. I mean, I guess I was distracted by real life? I DID figure out that I'm a non-binary trans person(and feel free to shoot me any questions about that in a PM, if you're curious), and school is a scary, scary place, so take those as explanations? Hey, and Inner Kiwi is gone, because screw that noise! Evren Lee is a strong, independent person who don't need no verbally abusive inner voice! No beta for this chapter because I wanna get it out as quickly as possible. Anyway, getting on with this, because you guys have been waiting far too long!_

They hit a few more stores after the dress incident, wandering around for a good hour, before Feliks suggested they grab some lunch before heading home. Everyone agreed pretty quickly. Even for those who had built up a tolerance, you could only walk around the mall for so long before you started to get tired.

Everyone split up at the food court, heading off to buy their food. Matthew decided on New York fries, feeling a craving for some good old-fashioned poutine. Thankfully, the line was reletively short, so it didn't take long before he was up at the counter. He ordered, internally wincing at his over-use of the word please. Damn his stupid polite tendencies!

Soon, he recievedhis order, and he smiled, thanking the employee one more time before turning to find where his friends had went. Unfotunately, they were all still waiting in those obscenely long food court lines. Sighing, he prepared to go find them a spot to sit, when he heard an unfamiliar voice call his name, accompanied by a tap on his shoulder.

Behind him stood Yao, looking nervous yet determined. Matthew felt a momentary spike of panic in his gut, instinctively glancing around for Ivan, although he knew there was no way he was out of jail. After affirming that the Russian was not in fact there, he focused his attention back on the boy in front of him.

"Uhm, y-yes?" Mathew managed to get out, willing his hammering heart to calm down. Yao winced.

"I'm sorry if I startled you, that wasn't my intention," He apologized, sounding sincere. Telling himself that Yao wasn't here for some nefarious purpose, Matthew took a deep breath, letting his body relax.

"No, it's-it's okay, you just startled me, is all." He assured the other boy, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear. "Can I help you?"

Yao straightened up, the determined look coming back into his eyes. "Right. I wanted to say I'm sorry.I heard about what happened, and I can't help but feel responsible. You have every right to hate me, but I just want you to know that I had no clue that you and Ivan were together. He said he didn't do relationships. If I had known I never would have become involved with him."

Matthew's eyebrows scrunched together in surprise and confusion, before he scrambled to reassure him.

"What? No, of course I don't blame you, Yao. I never once thought that any of this was your fault. Ivan is the one who chose to cheat, and you can't blame yourself for his actions, especially when you didn't even know. You're just as much a victim in all this as I am."

All the tension drained out of Yao's body, and he looked massively relieved, as if a giant weight had been lifted off his shoulders. "Thank God, I've felt so guilty since everything happened. It feels so good to finally be free from that."

Matthew felt a stab of anger in his gut toward his ex. _God, how many people did Ivan fuck over?_ Instead of letting any of his anger show, however, he simply gave the other boy a small smile. "Listen, how about we exchange numbers? I'd like to get to know you."

Yao nodded, and soon they were typing each other's numbers into their contacts, before parting with a promise to speak again soon.

By the time Matthew's conversation was finished, everyone had already gotten their food and found a large table to sit at. Matthew walked over, sliding into the empty seat beside Gilbert and digging into his lunch.

"What took you so long?" Gilbert asked around a mouthful of burger, raising his eyebrows. Matthew shrugged.

"Just ran into somebody I knew."

PAGE BREAK

After lunch, the crew piled back into Liz's van and returned to the house, Only to find the boys staring up at the TV, tears in their eyes as Steve Rogers battled theWinter Soldier on screen.

"Seriously?" Bella asked incredulously, bag-laden hands resting on her hips. "Are guys _really_ crying over a silly superhero movie?"

"It's just so saaaaaaad!" Feli wailed, turning to bury his face in Ludwig's shoulder, who seemed to be the only person in the room who wasn't crying.

"Okay, yeah, that's enough of that. Put on something else, Captain America is so _lame." _Gilbert drawled.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Lovino yelled indinantly. "You wish you were half as badass as Captain America, you potato-humping bastard!"

"Bullshit, everyone knows Iron Man is the most awesome hero ever, so suck it loser!" Gilbert shot back. Lovino looked ready to deliver a scathing retort before Lilli jumped in.

"Stop it, both of you! There's no need for fighting. Can't we all just agree that the Black Widow is better than every other male superhero and leave it at that?"

With a little grumbling, the two begrudgingly agreed, and eveyone settled in to watch the rest of the movie.

(by the end of it, there wasn't a dry eye in the house. Not even Ludwig.)

_Okay, so I'm sorry this is so short, but I'm currently in the middle of exam week and I'm honestly only throwing this together because I feel guilty over how long it's been. It's hard writing when you don't have any inspiration! Thankfully, next chapter is going to be a dream/memory chapter, so I already have it planned out. Hopefully I'll have it out before three months have passed, but I make no promises. Anyway, love you guys, stay safe and please review!_


	7. Chapter 7-Killer Question

First of all, I am soooooo sorry for how late this chapter is, my tiny toaster waffles. I've been grounded since March, and haven't had access to a computer long enough to sit down and write something for you guys. With that said, I haven't written for these characters or this fandom in quite a while, so forgive me if it takes me a while to get back into the swing of things. To try to make up for my absolute shit authorial behavior, have another flashback chapter! Hope you guys enjoy this,

_Matthew rushed down the hall, arms stacked full of heavy books as he tried to avoid the chaos of the end-of-the-day rush. He wanted to make it to his locker before Ivan finished up at his, as he hated to leave the other boy waiting. They had fallen into the habit of walking home together, as they only lived about ten minutes apart._

_ He and Ivan had been hanging out for about a month now, ever since the night they met at Ivan's party. They had just clicked, instantly falling into a close and flirty friendship. Matthew was honestly surprised at how at ease he was around someone he had only just met, but Ivan had a way of making him feel seen in a way no one else ever had. Even around his own family, he had always felt a little invisible compared to his two brothers. Not that he begrudged them the attention, it was just nice to finally have someone who put their full attention on him sometimes. _

_ Lost in thought, Matthew didn't notice the person barreling toward him until it was too late. He was knocked to the ground, his books scattering everywhere. The brunet who knocked into him barely slowed down to throw a cheerful, rushed apology over his shoulder before continuing on his way, a shorter, angrier brunette apparently hot on his heels screaming something about 'rotten tomato bastards'. To his surprise, the short on paused to glare at him. _

_"Watch where you're going, fucking idiot." He growled, before he continued chasing the other boy. Matthew sighed, getting onto his hands and knees to gather up his things. _

_ "Are you alright, little Matvey?" A familiar voice asked, and Matthew looked up to see Ivan beside him, frowning in the direction the two brunets had gone before bending down to help pick up the books._

_ "Yeah, I'm fine, just a bit of an inconvenience, is all," Matthew answered, gathering the last of his things and standing up. He gestured for Ivan hand him the books he was holding, but he just waved him off, tucking them under his arm as he got up himself. _

_ "You shouldn't get let people do these things. People will walk all over you if you let them, you know?" Ivan said, a tinge of something odd in his voice that Matthew couldn't quite put his finger on. He shrugged, a bit uncomfortable. _

_ "I-it's not that big of a big. Things like that happen, it's better to let it go than make a big fuss about it, y'know?"_

_ Ivan gave him an odd, assessing look, but it passed quickly, and Matthew brushed it off as they walked to his locker side by side. The pair stayed in relative silence, simply enjoying each other's company as Matthew grabbed his things from his locker. They chatted a bit about their days on the walk from school to Matthew's house, Ivan relating the humorous tale of the girl in his English class who had accidentally blared 'Boss Ass Bitch' in the middle of silent reading and had been kicked out of class. _

_ Before long, they had reached Matthew's house, and he opened his mouth to say goodbye, only to be stopped by Ivan reaching out and grabbing his hands. His cheeks flushed red, Glancing from their hands up to Ivan's slightly nervous face. Matthew couldn't help but notice how adorable he looked. _

_ "Matvey, the fall fair is coming up this weekend, and I was wondering," He started, and Matthew felt his breath catch in his throat. Oh God, was this what he thought it was? Somebody pinch him, he must be dreaming. _

_ "Y-yeah?" He encouraged breathlessly, hope blooming in his chest. _

_ "Would you maybe like to go with me? As a date?" He had barely finished his sentence before Matthew was nodding rapidly, eyes wide and mouth curling up into a huge grin._

_ "Yes! I- uh, I mean... Sure. That sounds really great!" He said, cutting himself off before he could make himself look like an even bigger fool than he already did. _

_ "Great. I'll pick you up at five on Friday, da?" Matthew nodded, and the pair smiled at each other for a few moments longer, before Ivan bid him goodbye and headed on his way. Matthew stood there, watching the other boy depart, before calmly walking into his house. He made it up the stairs and into his bedroom before flopping down onto his bed before letting out a high, excited shriek. He had a DATE! With IVAN! God, he couldn't wait to tell Alfred!_

Well, that's all for now, folks. Sorry it's kind of short, like I said, still getting back into the swing of things. Also, in case any of you didn't get it, the two boys in the hallway were Toni and Lovi (wow, it's been so long that it took me a moment to remember their human names 0 _0) . And to anyone familiar with the place that this story is set, yes, I know there isn't actually a fall fair, but with when these flashbacks are based in time, I had to make something up instead of using a pre-existing thing. I'll be basing the fall fair after the actually exhibition that takes place in the city OAM is set in though, so I'm basically just renaming it and moving it by like a month. Although I'm sure none of you actually care, so whatever! Thanks for reading, feel free to tell me what you like, don't like, hell, even yell at me for being such a shit author! Also, if you have any suggestions for what kind of summer fun the gang should get up to, drop me a review!Stay safe and have a great day, lovelies


	8. This Could Be It Guys

Hello my lovely readers! So, as you may have guessed from the chapter title, its isn't actually a new chapter at all. Sorry to anyone who's been looking forward to an update (although, at this point I'm starting to doubt anyone cares). But anyway, on to the main issue.

I promised myself I'd never do this, but I think it's finally time. I started this series three years ago, when I was just a silly 13 year old fan girl, and I had no clue about how hard it is to write a multi-chap fanfiction. There have been a lot of stops and starts, sometimes because of a lack of access to a computer, and sometimes because of a great deal of laziness on my part. But one thing that was always a constant was the kind words and support from you readers, which I've always appreciated it. Now though, that seems to have disappeared (with the latest chapter receiving a whopping total of two reviews), and I'm facing a bit of a dilemma.

The thing is, I hate this story. There are so many unrealistic and problematic elements, I've reduced the characters into overdone tropes and cliches, and the fact that I didn't have a solid plan when I started this is pretty evident. Not to mention, I honestly am not that into Hetalia or PruCan anymore, so writing for this series has basically become a chore, and I never want my writing to feel like that.

So, you might be asking, why would I keep writing for this story when I so obviously hate it? Good question. The answer, my sweet little koala bears, is simple- I'm doing this for the readers. There has never been anything better than posting a chapter and seeing you guys talk about the parts that you liked, or hearing about the parts that made you laugh or cry or 'squee'. I am literally only doing this for the reviews.

At this point, you probably see where I'm going with this. Reviews fuel my willingness to write, and lately the reviews have been few and far between. I am really considering giving this story up. I can't keep writing if no one cares about it.

So, the long and the short of it is, whether or not I continue this story is completely up to you. If this story can get to 100 reviews before the end of September, I'll keep writing. If not, I'll post quick summaries of the RusCan arc and the rest of Gil ad Mattie's summer together, because I don't want to leave you hanging completely.

I know this may seem manipulative, but please try to put yourself in my position. I'm sitting here putting my time and effort into a story I don't even like, and all I'm asking for is a few words. It doesn't have to be an essay (although I do love long reviews), just a sentence or two, or even an "I loved it" or a "keep going" do a lot for me.

So, I love you all, see you, one way or another, by the end of September.

~Ev


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